How To Start Forgiving Your Parents (if you choose to)
Forgiveness is a personal process and I deeply understand that everyone might not be in a space to forgive. Pushing yourself to forgive when you haven't processed the shame, grief, or trauma isn't helpful.
If you are ready to forgive, keep reading...
If you are ready to forgive, keep reading...
1. Witness your parents objectively as humans.
Take a look at your parents life, the way they speak, the relationships they have, and the views they have of the world. See them as human beings, not as your parent. This is sobering experience that heals.
Take a look at your parents life, the way they speak, the relationships they have, and the views they have of the world. See them as human beings, not as your parent. This is sobering experience that heals.
2. Observe your parents parents (or their siblings if they have them) What are those relationships like?
This will help you witness how your parents learned to love and will bring clarity in why they loved you how they did.
This will help you witness how your parents learned to love and will bring clarity in why they loved you how they did.
3. Notice their level of self regulation:
How do they react when they're upset or disappointed? If they spiral into chaos, overwhelm, or shutdown easily, you can understand that when they did this to you as a child it was not personal.
How do they react when they're upset or disappointed? If they spiral into chaos, overwhelm, or shutdown easily, you can understand that when they did this to you as a child it was not personal.
4. Notice their level of emotional immaturity (EI):
Are they easily defensive, reactive, highly opinionated, or critical? By understanding their level of EI, you can understand they may not be able to emotionally support you at all, and that's ok.
Are they easily defensive, reactive, highly opinionated, or critical? By understanding their level of EI, you can understand they may not be able to emotionally support you at all, and that's ok.
5. Grieve the loss:
We all dream of having loving, playful, encouraging parents who fully allow us to self express. And, we don't always get this. Accepting this disappointment and grieving the loss of what we wished we had is healing.
We all dream of having loving, playful, encouraging parents who fully allow us to self express. And, we don't always get this. Accepting this disappointment and grieving the loss of what we wished we had is healing.
6. Place boundaries if needed:
If there's abuse of any kind, boundaries are needed. Forgiveness doesn't mean we allow someone into every aspect of our lives. It's ok to have limits of time spent and to protect your own emotional energy.
If there's abuse of any kind, boundaries are needed. Forgiveness doesn't mean we allow someone into every aspect of our lives. It's ok to have limits of time spent and to protect your own emotional energy.
7. Know you craft the relationship now:
As a child you had no choice in what the relationship looked like. As an adult, you have an equal say. What your relationship looked like with your parents is for you to determine, no one else.
As a child you had no choice in what the relationship looked like. As an adult, you have an equal say. What your relationship looked like with your parents is for you to determine, no one else.
8. Break the pattern of validation or approval seeking:
Our wounded selves look to parents to validate and approve of us. If your parents are limited in this area, break the habit of contacting them for approval or going to them for advice.
Our wounded selves look to parents to validate and approve of us. If your parents are limited in this area, break the habit of contacting them for approval or going to them for advice.
Follow: @Theholisticpsyc
I write threads every day on how to heal yourself.
Join the waitlist for SelfHealers Circle
theholisticpsychologist.com
My workbook:
howtomeetyourself.com
I write threads every day on how to heal yourself.
Join the waitlist for SelfHealers Circle
theholisticpsychologist.com
My workbook:
howtomeetyourself.com
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