Rattibha

Dr. Nicole LePera

12 Tweets 201 reads Feb 22, 2023

Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship or what holds a relationship together.
Here's why:

Because sexual intimacy is unique to romantic relationships, a lot of emphasis is put on it. Sometimes this emphasis puts pressure or strain on relationships.

Sexual compatibility is not an indicator of emotional compatibility.
There's lots of reasons sexual intimacy might not be your focus, or the focus of your partner.

Some people have dysfunctional or traumatic experiences with sex in the past. So, sexual touch or connection might not feel safe, can be uncomfortable, or send a stress response to the body. We assume everyone feels pleasure during sex, and this isn't true.

Some people just don't see sexual intimacy as something that has to be consistent to feel fulfilled in relationship. The space it has within your relationship is something created by partners based on their own needs and drives.

Here's other things partners might prioritize over sexual intimacy:
Emotional intimacy: ability to be vulnerable and share aspects of your life that you don't share with anyone else.

Physical touch: cuddling, massage, and any other kind of soothing touch.
Share interests: hobbies, activities, or interests that are shared between you both to make a unique bond.
Family time: shared time doing things with children or other family.

Our cultures focus on sexual connection, can create pressure within partnerships. It can also create an illusion that having an intense sexual connection means the person or the relationship is "right" for you.

This is why it's important to have open communication. To learn your own level of desire and your partners level of desire and what type of connection feels good for both of you. There may be seasons of high sexual energy and seasons of low sexual energy.

And this doesn't mean that anything is wrong with the relationship. We all have unique needs, and relationships are the spaces where we open up to create what works for us, specifically.

Is sexual intimacy a priority in your relationship? Have you ever felt bad or guilty about this if it's not? Let's talk...i'm curious to hear your thoughts in the comments.

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