How to Cope With Emotionally Immature Parents (EIP):
Emotionally Immature Parents (EIP) have black and white thinking, high levels of shame and defensiveness, and inability to self reflect. This can feel extremely frustrating and hurtful to adult children.
Our parents are a reflection of: the way they were parented, their own generational trauma, and the coping skills they were modeled. Many people's actual age doesn't reflect their emotional age.
How To Cope With An EIP:
1. Stop expecting a parent to give something they can't give: If an EIP has shown they're not capable of giving empathy or understanding, we need to seek outside support.
1. Stop expecting a parent to give something they can't give: If an EIP has shown they're not capable of giving empathy or understanding, we need to seek outside support.
2. Understands your parent will center their their own experience: EIP parents are in an ego-centric state, which means they're always center their own experiences and feelings. This might mean finding other people to support us.
3. Notice their shame: EIP might say things like "I guess I'm the worst parent!" or "It seems like you hate me" It helps to understand this defensiveness is actually shame, and not something to take personally.
4. Know your role: EIP believe their children's role is to meet their own needs. Adult child aren't responsible for meeting the needs of an EIP, this is our own responsibility.
5. Stop seeking approval: EIP can be highly critical and highly opinionated. If your EIP doesn't have the life you wish to have for yourself, it might mean taking your own path and not sharing all aspects of your life.
6. Don't engage with emotional reactivity: EIP often find connection and fulfillment in chaos or emotional reactivity. Don't engage, draw a boundary. Protect your peace.
Dealing with EIP can be an isolating and overwhelming experience. If you're dealing with this, you're not alone. Please use the comments to share your story or seek support.
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