Rattibha

We don't need to get back to people immediately. The idea that we should be in constant communication can be toxic in relationships.
Here's how to break free:

Urgency culture is the societal expectation to always be available or 'productive.'
It brings our body into chronic fight or flight and can create a lot of anxiety in our relationships.

Urgency culture in relationships looks like:
1. Expecting someone to get back immediately
2. Feeling like you have to respond to someone immediately
3. Being available 24/7
4. Feeling guilt of anxiety around not responding
5. Making impulsive decisions

Technology has shifted communication in a big way. We have phones where DM's, texts, calls, and emails are coming in on a consistent basis.
We can feel pressure to be in constant communication or give immediate responses.

Just because we have new ways to communicate, doesn't mean we have to be in constant communication.
Having clear boundaries is necessary.

Unlearning urgency culture in relationships means:
1. Not expecting a response from someone within a certain period of time.
2. Getting back to people when we feel we have the energy and capacity (having boundaries)

3. Not assigning meaning to how people communicate
4. Being aware that everyone has a different level and style of communication
5. Giving yourself time and space to make choices around invites etc.

Society has a lot of ideas around what people being in touch with us means.
For example: "if they cared, they would call."
In reality, everyone communicates differently and it's not a direct sign of how they feel about us, personally.

Some reminders for coping with urgency culture:
1. Become conscious to when your nervous system needs a break from communication.
2. Understand you do not have to reply to anyone right away (especially if they have a request) you can take space to reflect

3. If you find yourself anxious over a response, find ways to self soothe. Take a break from your phone, go for a walk, call a friend, journal about your feelings.

4. Witness the stories: when we don't hear back from people stories like 'they're rude' 'they're ignoring me' etc can come up. Recognize our thoughts aren't truths and if we want to understand why someone isn't communicating with us, we can ask.

5. Don't expect everyone to share your own beliefs about how much you should be in touch

6. Let people know it's not a good time: It's perfectly ok to not be in a space to chat with someone: "I'm having a down day and appreciate you reaching out, I'll be in touch when x"

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