How to be assertive (without being rude):
Assertive people have high confidence.
They can: stand up for themselves, express their feelings, and are capable of being misunderstood.
They can: stand up for themselves, express their feelings, and are capable of being misunderstood.
Because their main goal is not to people please, they are skilled communicators who respectfully get to the point. People around them feel safe because they do not give mix messages.
Here's how you can be more assertive:
1. Stop over-explaining: when we over-explain we get more anxious, and can create more anxiety in the other person. People appreciate directness. Notice when you give excuses or long explanations. Keep things short.
1. Stop over-explaining: when we over-explain we get more anxious, and can create more anxiety in the other person. People appreciate directness. Notice when you give excuses or long explanations. Keep things short.
2. Practice saying "no": assertive people value their time and don't over-schedule themselves. They say no, often.
Example: "No, I can't do that right now, but let me know if something else comes up."
Example: "No, I can't do that right now, but let me know if something else comes up."
3. Notice your tone: a calm and neutral tone is the best way to deliver your message. If you're feeling like you're in fight or flight, wait until you're in a parasympathetic state to talk. Don't interrupt, or talk over.
4. Stop saying "whatever you want": defaulting to what other people want might be a habit. Start voicing your opinions and preferences with people you're comfortable with.
5. Practice deep belly breathing: when you get anxious, nervous, or feel guilty, use deep breathing to calm your nervous system. Intense feelings fade and we don't need to act on them. We can watch them come and go.
6. Don't emotionally monitor: you might have an impulse to ask if people are mad at you, or if they're ok. This is usually a symptom of hypervigilance. Just notice is and re-direct your attention. Trust people will come to you if there's an issue.
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